Sick again.

Again. Sick. My throat has closed up. I can hardly breathe and I'm sweating heat. Hospital visits will come shortly. I don't mind...I've never wanted to stay in a hospital so badly. Anything but stay here. I hate this town and the surrounding towns.

Today was the first day since I've met him that I haven't spoken to him.

And I must say, as much as I'm still hurting, it was all for the best. It's easier being ignored by him. It easier being said mean things to. It makes it easier to move on. Please stay as far away from me as you can. Nothing good can come of you. And I'd like for it to remain that way.

I actually studied all day today. And then I went to go see Dane and talk. Because he's the only one I can talk to about anything. We laughed about the time that I was so sickly saddened by him when he denied me. I told him I had no idea why I ever liked him and why I was so upset over him. Although he was the bext sex I ever had, I couldn't ever look at him that way. He's passed the friend zone and there is no turning back no matter how lonely I'm feeling. I told him this and he tried kissing me and I just laughed. He persisted and I couldn't stop laughing and told him that I had no interest in him sexually whatsoever. I guess he got the hint. I love him as a friend and I'm very lucky to have him in my life.

I'm back to being alone again and I'm embracing it. I'm back to not caring for anyone and not letting my guard down and I think it's for the best.

You no longer exist. All I have is your writing. All you are are words. I guess it should have always remained that way.