I need to get out of this bed.

It's killing me staying here stuck here motionless unable to breathe or swallow. Erik came back and watched movies with me. We watched Pet Sematary.

He likes so many things I've never even heard of its intense. All these old foreign documentaries. He says he wants to show me them all while I'm sick and fill me with some "worldly knowledge." I responded that just because he graduated from Oxford he can't think hes smarter than me in everything. Although he is. But I won't let him know that.

I tried telling him about Trevor but I stopped myself realizing that what Trevor did to me, I did to Erik. Although for Erik it was magnified. Hes loved me since I was 15 and had to watch me go from guy to guy getting hurt and consoling me and waiting. I feel horrible. He seems like such a strong person now. He doesn't do drugs anymore. Thank god. And his band is still doing amazing surprisingly since he's been away. Now they can start shows again which I am excited about. Erik showed me all the new material and it literally gave me goosebumps. Talent in a nutshell. Just flawless. His voice has never sounded clearer, smoother, and more beautiful. I seriously melted. And although I knew all the love songs were written about me, it hurt hearing the ones about how much pain I brought him and a lot of words he used to describe me. I asked him if thats how he really felt about me and he swore he was only angry and theyre just songs.

I don't want to get scared. I mean, it's Erik. He's different. He's ALWAYS stuck around. Maybe things could be different this time. We're finally both on the same page after all these years.