Hey paul, hey paul, hey paul. Let's have a ball.

I feel like I have a trampoline in my head with a net down the middle. And I am constantly jumping from one side to the other. I can never make up my mind about something. I constantly make excuses for both sides.

For example, I've recently come to the conclusion that I am a heartless person. I do not care for anyone around me.

But, yesterday I realized that I do have a heart. I've been very stressed from school. I haven't been working a lot and losing a lot of money. Yet, while at work, finally working...Jenn calls me and says she is going to the ultrasound tech to find out the sex of her baby and asked if I could go because she is going alone. I sadly told her I could because I need money from work. However, then I thought about her...finding out the great sex of her baby, an amazing tear jerker moment where you want someone to jump up and down with you with excitement as soon as the technician utters "It's a ____". And I imagined her. My bestfriend since 4th grade. The only person who really knows me and loves me so much. I imagined her alone. No one to turn and smile to when she found out the sex. And it crushed me. So I called her, knowing that I'd get further into debt, but I called her and told her of course I'd go and I wouldn't miss it for the world. She was so happy.

And then the technician asked her if she wanted to know the sex. I had a ten dollar bet that it was a boy. And jenn claimed it was a girl. Jenn said yes and the technician showed us the baby's legs. Then...the testicles and penis. I shrieked. Jenn sighed and then smiled. We both had tears in our eyes. Truely an amazing beautiful moment. Then, after leaving, I finally had time to work on some homework. However, Kamila had gotten out early from work and it was her birthday. And I thought to myself, "I don't want my good friend alone on her birthday." So I took her out to eat, even though I have no money nor time. It made me happy seeing her happy.

I can't be so heartless if I do things like that for my friends, right?

But then I think. Maybe I only did it because I want something in return. Is that why everyone does nice things? I don't know. I can't figure this out. I always though I was a good person. Until I've come across so so many people tell me I'm not and that they thought I didn't care about the world.

I'm so easily influenced by people's words. I hate it.

I'm the entertainer. Watch me fail. Hold your applause.