Blogging.

So after class last night I went to go watch a movie with Jay. We rented this old independent horror film with subtitles called "Sauna." I tried standing it. Haha. But, it did eventually get my attention. Awful ending, although I did jump. I like hanging with Jay, I feel comfortable with him for some odd reason. Yet, I'm getting worried. As we were laying down after the movie, he started naming things he liked about me and how he enjoyed laying with me and having my company. I wanted to tell him to not get attached. I'm at such a bad point in my life and I can't risk it. I can't risk myself getting hurt again. I need to finish school and head to the city and that's all I can worry about right now. For now, I'll just hope he won't want anything more.

But perhaps the best part of my night, was getting home and having Erik surprise me. Apparently he had a show in Philly in the evening and drove all the way to me before heading to New England. Nothing feels better than laying in his ridiculously huge bed and having him sing me to sleep. I was a wreck and he always has the right words to say. He always knows how to cheer me up and see things from a different and better perspective. I explained my debacle and he told me he's always known the real me and that I'm perfect the way I am. And he said it so sincere. And told me not worry about those that don't matter. People spray out words and advice that they themselves don't live by. People eat at you all while telling you to be a better person. A walking hypocrite. I won't make the same mistakes again. I got by fine not caring about the world or about anyone else other than myself. It's when I let someone in and actually cared for someone that they dropped me like a fly. Regardless, I know what I must do now and I know that Erik will be back from tour soon and we can finally give us a chance.

I've got a tight grip on reality
but i can't let go of what's in front of me here
I know you're leaving in the morning when you wake up
Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream.