It's raining. I miss him. A lot. I hate everyone in this fucking town. Their eyes and their grimaces. On my back. Little spies. Judging.
Hate this stupid town. And the towns surrounding it. And the people infesting it.
If I hadn't worked so hard to get to where I am, I'd drop it all for him. Go on tour with him. Swallow anger as every stupid girl hangs their hungry arms around his neck. They make me sick. He's such a beautiful person that it's haunting. How could they/whomever create such a perfect individual is mind boggling. But it's life. I get thrown this perfect bait and I'm hooked. Man, that was corny.
I don't want to screw this up. I don't. But I'm scared as hell. He could destroy me. Worse than Chris did. Much worse.
I enjoy being on my own too much right now and I want to keep it that way. I don't want to depend on someone and trust that someone will be there for me. We all saw what happened last time I did that.
Fuck people.
Seriously fuck you.
I am much better than this. You dont touch the stove twice after you've been burnt. I was an idiot. It won't happen again.
When I can trust that Erik will stay. When he's done touring. When he's done with all the promotions. The recording. The interviews. The fame. I'll be there in the end and I'll be ready. Until then, I'll think of him endlessly.
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