What happened to me? And where did I go?

NMH - I Will Bury You In Time

I hope it goes well
I hope your dad's good
I hope you've got presents
That make you pretty happy
I hope you grow old and
I hope that you find somebody nice

But I can't come to your party, 'cause I think that I'm dead

We still live in the same town, now don't we?
But I don't see you around anymore.
I go to all the same places.
Not even a trace of you.

Your days are numbered at 24.

I feel no sympathy.
You live inside a cave.

Theres no need to apologize.
I got no time for "feeling sorry."

why cant you just fall off the face of the earth?

Teehee.

Awful awful bag of bones.

Throbbing chest piece made of stones.

Song writing machine.

Only a section of "trojan horse"

They found the paperwork under your mattress
and your footprint on the stool
i bet you loved kicking it, didn't you
i bet you fucking did.

you showed up, the trojan horse
with your minions hiding inside
waiting for the perfect time to attack
and build up your ego and pride

i got bigger heads than you, my friend.
i got bigger heads than you, my friend.
ive cut bigger threads than you, my friend.
i got bigger heads than you, my friend.

Unfinished workings of first two songs.

I've gotten my first song practically done with this new band I am in. And I've already almost finished the lyrics to "Trojan Horse". Finally getting somewhere and doing my dream.

"Cry Wolf"

Wednesday night reunion
black smoke and drink to numb your legs
tory says shell put my song on
the one that makes my head spin
she says she'll put my song on
the one that brings the men in

but my eyes aren't where they should be
theyre magnified focused at the door
this is no longer my haven, this is salem
and i am not safe here anymore

he carries his voice like a pitchfork
run quick, find some place far
hide deep inside the trees
i've picked up the bread crumbs
so he can never follow me
never ever follow me

little girl, carry your basket tight
this isn't the same cabin, somethings not right
his eyes are wide and inviting
but this isn't your grandmother
his smile is delicate
but this isn't your friend
his mannerisms follow proper etiquette
but this isnt your brother


he carries his voice like a pitchfork
but hes now wrapped it in silk
he has you now where he wants you
and hes picked up those bread crumbs
hes now got you unglued
got you unglued

no little girl, you are not safe here
now hes got you frozen stiff
you see, hes got knives for teeth
and he cries, "the better to eat you with"

Have you heard?
There's a wolf now living down the road.

I've never thought about driving my car into a wall so much in my entire life.

I can't believe I am doing this.

I wish I could go back to a time when drugs were bad. And you weren't supposed to do them. And I didn't do them. Weed was one thing. I could be ok with just doing weed. But not this other stuff. I'm turning into something I'm not.


I heard you fell into a rabbit hole.
Covered yourself up in snow
Baby, tell me where'd you go for days and days?
Did they make you stay up all night?
Did they paint your face that pasty white?
You're thirtsy but your appetite gets chased away.
Your heart starts skipping steps.

Truth.

The demos sound good. Real good.

I just can't bring myself to listening to the whole songs because of how you've been. I just wanted to be friends and you couldn't let me have it easy.

And here, you probably think I'm so upset because I want you back. I assure you that is not the case whatsoever. It just really hurts when someone doesn't care about your feelings. That is all.

But the demos sound good. Applause.

Slice of Heart

Get Ready.

Holding back tears.

He didn't mean to make you cry
With sparks that ring and bullets fly
On empty rings around your heart
The world just screams and falls apart

Take ecstacy with me, baby.

You had a black snowmobile
we drove out under the northern lights
a vodka bottle gave you those raccoon eyes
we got beat up just for holding hands

Take ecstasy with me, baby

Yes!!!!!

I found my old mix of 500 songs on my old computer. I am so ridiculously pumped to just drive aimlessly listening to the entire thing. Amazing. Simply amazing.

Iggy Pop – The Passenger
Brian Eno – 1/1
The Ramones – Rockaway Beach
Talking Heads – Psycho Killer
Television – Marquee Moon
Patti Smith – Rock n Roll Nigger
The Sex Pistols – God Save the Queen
The Clash – (White Man) In Hammersmith Palais
Buzzcocks – Ever Fallen in Love?
Vic Godard and the Subway Sect – Parallel Lines
X-Ray Spex – Oh Bondage! Up Yours!
The Adverts – One Chord Wonders
Wire – Ex-Lion Tamer
Donna Summer – I Feel Love
Giorgo Moroder - The Chase
Chic – Good Times
Thelma Houston – Don’t Leave Me This Way
Gloria Gaynor – I Will Survive
Michael Jackson – Don’t Stop ‘Til You Get Enough
Parliament – Flash Light
Marvin Gaye – Got To Give It Up
Public Image Ltd. – Public Image
Gang of Four – Damaged Goods
Magazine – Shot by Both Sides
The Cramps – Human Fly
The Misfits – Night of the Living Dead
Wire – Outdoor Miner
Joy Division – Disorder
Althea and Donna – Uptown Top Ranking
Lee Perry – Roast Fish and Cornbread
The Congos – Fisherman
Willie Williams – Armagideon Time
This Heat – 24 Track Loop
The Slits – Typical Girls
The Pop Group – She Is Beyond Good and Evil
The Clash – The Guns of Brixton
James Chance and the Contortions – Contort Yourself
Suicide – Dream Baby Dream
Cabaret Voltaire – Nag Nag Nag
Throbbing Gristle – Hot on the Heels of Love
Devo – Mongoloid
Candido – Jingo
Dinosaur – Kiss Me Again
Machine – There but for the Grace of God Go I
Kate Bush – Wuthering Heights
Goblin – Suspiria
Blue Oyster Cult – (Don’t Fear) The Reaper
AC/DC – Highway to Hell
Van Halen – Runnin’ with the Devil
Fleetwood Mac – The Chain
Steely Dan – Deacon Blues
Electric Light Orchestra – Mr. Blue Sky
The Only Ones – Another Girl, Another Planet
The Undertones – Teenage Kicks
Plastic Bertrand – Ca plane pour moi
The Records – Starry Eyes
Cheap Trick – Surrender
The Cars – Just What I Needed
Elvis Costello and the Attractions – Radio Radio
The Cure – Boys Don’t Cry
XTC – Making Plans for Nigel
Blondie – Atomic
Talking Heads – Memories Can’t Wait
Kurtis Blow – The Breaks
Spoonie Gee Meets the Sequence – Monster Jam
The Sugarhill Gang – 8th Wonder
The Treacherous Three – The New Rap Language
The Clash – The Magnificent Seven
Talking Heads – Born Under Punches (The Heat Goes On)
Yoko Ono – Walking on Thin Ice
Klein + MBO – Dirty Talk
ESG – Moody
Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five – The Adventures of Grandmaster Flash on the Wheels of Steel
Funky 4+1 – That’s The Joint
Kraftwerk – Numbers/Computer World 2
Afrika Bambaataa & Soulsonic Force – Planet Rock
Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five – The Message
Glenn Branca – Lesson No. 1 for Electric Guitar
Laurie Anderson – O Superman (For Massenet)
Joy Division – Atmosphere
The Fall – Totally Wired
Elvis Costello and the Attractions – Beyond Belief
The Pretenders – Back on the Chain Gang
The B-52’s – Private Idaho
Dexys Midnight Runners – There There My Dear
Young Marble Giants – Final Day
Altered Images – Happy Birthday
The Specials – Ghost Town
Robert Wyatt – Shipbuilding
Bauhaus – Third Uncle
Adam and the Ants – Kings of the Wild Frontier
Scritti Politti – The Sweetest Girl
The Human League – Don’t You Want Me
Soft Cell – Tainted Love
The Associates – Party Fears Two
ABC – All of My Heart
New Order – Temptation
The Jam – Town Called Malice
Duran Duran – The Chauffeur
The English Beat – Save It for Later
The Go-Go’s – Our Lips Are Sealed
Tom Tom Club – Genius of Love
Prince – Dirty Mind
Daryl Hall & John Oates – I Can’t Go for That (No Can Do)
Michael Jackson – Billie Jean
ABBA – The Day Before You Came
Roxy Music – More Than This
Queen – Under Pressure
Bruce Springsteen – Atlantic City
Journey – Don’t Stop Believing
Bad Brains – Pay to Cum
Minor Threat – Minor Threat
Dead Kennedys – Holiday in Cambodia
Black Flag – Rise Above
Wipers – Youth of America
Flipper – Sex Bomb
Motorhead – Ace of Spades
Iron Maiden – Run to the Hills
Orange Juice – Blue Boy
The Television Personalities – This Angry Silence
The Fall – The Classical
The Clean – Tally Ho!
The Feelies – The Boy with the Perpetual Nervousness
R.E.M. – Radio Free Europe
Violent Femmes – Blister in the Sun
Mission of Burma – That’s When I Reach for My Revolver
The Smiths – This Charming Man
Sonic Youth – Death Valley ‘69
Husker Du – Pink Turns to Blue
Meat Puppets – Plateau
The Replacements – I Will Dare
Minutemen – History Lesson (Part II)
R.E.M. – So. Central Rain (I’m Sorry)
Echo and the Bunnymen – The Killing Moon
The Cure – Close to Me
Siouxsie and the Banshees – Cities in Dust
Run-D.M.C. – It’s Like That
Crash Crew – On the Radio
Rammelzee vs. K-Rob – Beat Bop
Boogie Down Productions – South Bronx
New Order – Blue Monday
Prince and the Revolution – When Doves Cry
Talking Heads – This Must Be the Place (Naïve Melody)
Kate Bush – Running Up That Hill (A Deal with God)
U2 – New Year’s Day
Simple Minds – Don’t You (Forget About Me)
The Replacements – Bastards of Young
The Mekons – Last Dance
Big Black – Kerosene
Scratch Acid – The Greatest Gift
The Jesus and Mary Chain – Just Like Honey
The Smiths – How Soon Is Now?
Cocteau Twins – Lorelei
New Order – Bizarre Love Triangle
Billy Bragg – A New England
Metallica – Battery
Slayer – Angel of Death
Saint Vitus – Clear Windowpane
Einsturzende Neubauten – Halber Mensch
Art of Noise – Beat Box (Diversion One)
Frankie Goes to Hollywood – Relax
Liquid Liquid – Optimo
Alexander Robotnick – Problemes d’Amour
Shannon – Let the Music Play
Section 25 – Looking from a Hilltop (Restructure)
Madonna – Holiday
Cyndi Lauper – Girls Just Want to Have Fun
Prince – Kiss
Run-D.M.C. – Rock Box
LL Cool J – I Can’t Live Without My Radio
Beastie Boys – No Sleep Till Brooklyn
Mantronix – Needle to the Groove
The Go-Betweens – Cattle and Cane
The Chills – Pink Frost
Felt – Primitive Painters
The Smiths – There Is a Light That Never Goes Out
Tom Waits – Jockey Full of Bourbon
Bruce Springsteen – I’m on Fire
Scott Walker – Rawhide
U2 – Bad
Don Henley – The Boys of Summer
Paul Simon – Graceland
Wayne Smith – Under Me Sleng Teng
Anthony “Red” Rose – Tempo
Model 500 – No UFO’s
Mr. Fingers – Can You Feel It
Rhythim Is Rhythim – Strings of Life
A Guy Called Gerald – Voodoo Ray
M/A/R/R/S – Pump Up The Volume
My Blood Valentine – You Made Me Realise
Spacemen 3 – Walking With Jesus
Ride – Dreams Burn Down
Glaxie 500 – Blue Thunder
Happy Mondays – Kinky Afro
The Stone Roses – She Bangs the Drums
Sonic Youth – Teen Age Riot
Dinosaur Jr. – Freak Scene
Butthole Surfers – Human Cannonball
Pixies – Where Is My Mind?
Fugazi – Waiting Room
Audio Two – Top Billin’
Eric B & Rakim – I Know You Got Soul
Public Enemy – Rebel Without a Pause
N.W.A. – Straight Outta Compton
Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds – The Mercy Seat
Ministry – Stigmata
The Jesus and Mary Chain – Head On
The Sugarcubes – Birthday
The Cure – Just Like Heaven
Morrissey – Everyday Is Like Sunday
The Pogues – Fairytale of New York
The Wedding Present – My Favourite Dress
The Field Mice – Emma’s House
Another Sunny Day – You Should All Be Murdered
The Dead Milkmen – Punk Rock Girl
The Primitives – Crash
The La’s – There She Goes
They Might Be Giants – Birdhouse in Your Soul
Superchunk – Slack Motherfucker
Fugazi – Merchandise
The Jesus Lizard – Mouth Breather
Slick Rick – Children’s Story
Gang Starr – Just to Get a Rep
Rob Base and DJ E-Z Rock – It Takes Two
Sal-n-Pepa – Push It
Beastie Boys – Hey Ladies
De La Soul – Me Myself and I
Biz Markie – Just a Friend
Public Enemy – Fight The Power
Guns N’ Roses – Welcome to the Jungle
Swans – Beautiful Child
John Zorn – The Sicilian Clan
Prince and the Revolution – If I Was Your Girlfriend
Madonna – Like a Prayer
Deee-Lite – Groove Is in the Heart
Pet Shop Boys – Being Boring
Sinead O’Conner – Nothing Compares 2 U
The Orb – Little Fluffy Clouds
The KLF – Wichita Lineman Was a Song I Once Heard
808 State – Pacific State
Orbital – Chime
Depeche Mode – Enjoy the Sileince
My Blood Valentine – Soon
The Vaselines – Son of a Gun
Beat Happening – Indian Summer
Daniel Johnston – Some Things Last a Long Time
Mudhoney – Touch Me I’m Sick
Pixies – Wave of Mutilation
Nirvana – Smells Like Teen Spirit
Pavement – Summer Babe
Archers of Loaf – Web in Front
Yo La Tengo – From a Motel 6
Sebadoh – The Freed Pig
A Tribe Called Quest – Check the Rhime
De La Soul – A Roller Skating Jam Named ‘Saturdays’
Black Sheep – The Choice Is Yours
Massive Attack – Unfinished Sympathy
Tricky – Aftermath (Version 1)
Primal Scream – Higher Than the Sun
Spiritualized – Step into the Breeze
Slowdive – Alison
Aphex Twin – Xtal
Talk Talk – Ascension Day
Slint – Good Morning, Captain
Disco Inferno – The Last Dance
Stereolab – French Disko
Acen – Trip II the Moon Pts. 1 and 2
The Future Sound of London – Papua New Guinea
Human Resource – Dominator (Joey Beltram Mix)
Metalheadz – Terminator
Omni Trio – Renegade Snares
Red House Painters – New Jersey
Teenage Fanclub – The Concept
Heavenly – C Is the Heavenly Option
Tindersticks – City Sickness
Unrest – Make Out Club
Tenor Saw/Buju Banton – Ring the Alarm Quick
Dr. Dre – Nuthin’ but a ‘G’ Thang
Ice Cube – It Was a Good Day
2Pac – I Get Around
Souls of Mischief – 93 ‘Til Infinity
Suede – The Drowners
Blur – For Tomorrow
Elastica – Stutter
Ween – Doctor Rock
Wu-Tang Clan – Protect Ya Neck
Geto Boys – Mind Playing Tricks on Me
Pete Rock and C.L. Smooth – They Reminisce Over You (T.R.O.Y.)
Bikini Kill – Rebel Girl
Melvins – Hooch
Dinosaur Jr. – Start Choppin’
Pixies – U-Mass
Liz Phair – Divorce Song
PJ Harvey – Rid of Me
The Afghan Whigs – Debonair
Rage Against the Machine – Killing in the Name
The Lemonheads – It’s a Shame About Ray
Beck – Loser
The Breeders – Cannonball
Nirvana – Scentless Apprentice
Hole – Violet
Smashing Pumpkins – 1979
Green Day – Longview
Weezer – Say It Ain’t So
Blur – Girls & Boys
Oasis – Live Forever
Pulp – Common People
The Notorious B.I.G. – Juicy
Nas – It Ain’t Hard to Tell
Mobb Deep – Shook Ones, Pt. 2
GZA – 4th Chamber
Pavement – Gold Soundz
Built to Spill – Car
Modest Mouse – Broke
Frank Black – Headache
The Jon Spencer Blues Explosion – Bellbottoms
Guided by Voices – I Am a Scientist
Nine Inch Nails – Closer
Bjork – Hyper-Ballad
Beck – Devil’s Haircut
Portishead – Sour Times (Nobody Loves Me)
Saint Etienne – Like a Motorway
Basic Channel – Octagon
Paperclip People – Throw
DJ Shadow – Midnight in a Perfect World
Dr. Octagon – Blue Flowers
Common – I Used to Lover H.E.R.
Jeff Buckley – Grace
Mazzy Star – Fade Into You
Arthur Russell – This Is How We Walk on the Moon
Low – Words
The Auteurs – Unsolved Child Murder
Jawbox – Savory
Drive Like Jehu – Luau
Brainiac – Pussyfootin’
Napalm Death – Twist the Knife (Slowly)
Darkthrone – En As I Dype Skogen
Ol’ Dirty Bastard – Brooklyn Zoo
Snoop Doggy Dogg – Gin and Juice
Luniz – I Got 5 on It
Cutty Ranks – Limb by Limb
The Prodigy – No Good (Start the Dance)
Underworld – Born Slippy (NUXX)
The Chemical Brothers – Setting Sun
Daft Punk – Da Funk
Belle and Sebastian – The State I Am In
Elliott Smith – Needle in the Hay
The Magnetic Fields – Take Ecstasy with Me
Palace Music – New Partner
Arab Strap – The First Big Weekend
Tortoise – Gamera
The Sea and Cake – Parasol
Pavement – Rattled by the Rush
Guided by Voices – Game of Pricks
Weezer – El Scorcho
Radiohead – Paranoid Android
Bjork – Joga
The Verve – Bitter Sweet Symphony
Elliott Smith – Between the Bars
Cat Power – Cross Bones Style
The Clientele – Reflections After Jane
Bonnie “Prince” Billy – I See a Darkness
Smog – Teenage Spaceship
Silver Jews – Random Rules
Autechre – Arch Carrier
Boards of Canada – Happy Cycling
Herbert – So Now…
Aphex Twin – Windowlicker
Uilab – St. Elmo’s Fire
Air – Le Soleil est Pres du Moi
Massive Attack – Teardrop
Black Star – Respiration
The Notorious B.I.G. – Hypnotize
Outkast – Spottieottiedopaliscious
The Roots – The Next Movement
The Flaming Lips – Waitin’ for a Superman
The Beta Band – Dry the Rain
The Olivia Tremor Control – Hideaway
Neutral Milk Hotel – Holland, 1945
Super Furry Animals – Ice Hockey Hair
Stardust – Music Sounds Better with You
Basement Jaxx – Jump n’ Shout
Wilco – Via Chicago
Pulp – This Is Hardcore
Belle and Sebastian – Lazy Line Painter Jane
Yo La Tengo – Autumn Sweater
Sleater-Kinney – One More Hour
Refused – New Noise
The Dismemberment Plan – The City
Boredoms – Super Shine
Mogwai – Like Herod
Jim O’Rourke – Halfway to a Threeway
Sigur Ros – Svefn-g-Englar
Daft Punk – One More Time
Radiohead – Idioteque
Godspeed You! Black Emperor – Storm
The Avalanches – Since I Left You
Broadcast – Come On Let’s Go
Aaliyah – Try Again
Justin Timberlake – Cry Me a River
Luomo – Tessio
Vitalic – La Rock 01
Kylie Minogue – Love at First Sight
Jay-Z – Big Pimpin’
Outkast – B.O.B.
Eminem – The Real Slim Shady
Ghostface Killah – Nutmeg
Missy Elliott – Get Ur Freak On
The White Stripes – Dead Leaves and the Dirty Ground
The Strokes – The Modern Age
…And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead – Another Morning Stoner
Interpol – Obstacle 1
Electric Six – Danger! High Voltage
Golden Boy with Miss Kittin – Rippin Kittin’
Jurgen Paape – So Weit Wie Noch Nie
Osymyso – Intro-Inspection
The Knife – Heartbeats
LCD Soundystem – Lossing My Edge
The Rapture – House of Jealous Lovers
The Streets – Weak Become Heroes
Aesop Rock – Daylight
Rjd2 – Good Times Roll Pt. 2
Bright Eyes – The Calendar Hung Itself
Wilco – Poor Places
Queens of the Stonge Age – No One Knows
My Morning Jacket – The Way That He Sings
Modest Mouse – 3rd Planet
Clinic – Distortions
Shellac – Prayer to God
Mclusky – To Hell with Good Intentions
Lightning Bolt – Ride the Sky
The Microphones – The Moon
The New Pornographers – Letter from an Occupant
The Shins – New Slang
The Decemberists – Here I Dreamt I Was an Architect
Radiohead – Life in a Glasshouse
Broken Social Scene – Cause = Time
Deerhoof – This Magnificent Bird Will Rise
Spoon – The Way We Get By
Dizzee Rascal I Luv U
M.O.P. – Ante Up
Clipse – Grindin’
Talib Kweli – Get By
Jay-Z – Takeover
Outkast – Hey Ya
Kanye West – Through The Wire
R. Kelly – Ignition (Remix)
Beyonce – Crazy In Love
Gnarls Barkley – Crazy
!!! – Me and Giuliani Down by the School Yard (A True Story)
TV on the Radio – Staring at the Sun
Yeah Yeah Yeahs – Maps
The Walkmen – The Rat
Devendra Banhart – A Sight to Behold
Joanna Newsom – Peach, Plum, Pear
Sufjan Stevens – Casimir Pulaski Day
Antony and the Johnsons – Hope There’s Someone
Animal Collective – Leaf House
The Books – Take Time
M83 – Don’t Save Us from the Flames
The Postal Service – Such Great Heights
Annie – Heartbeat
M.I.A. – Galang
The White Stripes – Seven Nation Army
Franz Ferdinand – Take Me Out
The Fiery Furnaces – Here Comes the Summer
The Mountain Goats – No Children
The Wrens – She Sends Kisses
Les Savy Fav – The Sweat Descends
Ted Leo and the Pharmacists – Where Have All the Rude Boys Gone?
The Exploding Hearts – Modern Kicks
Art Brut – Formed a Band
Boris – Farewell
Mastodon – Sleeping Giant
Madvillain – America’s Most Blunted
T.I. – What You Know
Kelly Clarkson – Since U Been Gone
Amerie – 1 Thing
Ciara – Oh
The Go! Team – The Power Is On
Feist – Mushaboom
Arcade Fire – Neighborhood #1 (Tunnels)
Wolf Parade – I’ll Believe in Anything
Band of Horses – The Funeral
The Hold Steady – Stuck Between Stations
Beirut – Postcards from Italy
Johnny Boy – You Are the Generation That Bought More Shoes and You Get What You Deserve
Love Is All – Busy Doing Nothing
Jens Lekman – Black Cab
Christian Falk – Dream On
Peter Bjorn and John – Young Folks
Justice vs. Simian – We Are Your Friends
Hot Chip – Boy from School
Animal Collective – Grass
Black Dice – Cone Toaster
Liars – The Other Side of Mt. Heart Attack
Panda Bear – Bros

You're so pretty when you're unfaithful to me.

So apparently, Erik hasn't been as honest as he claims he is. But, I can't say I didn't see it coming. I am an idiot. What confuses me the most is how he thought he'd get away with it knowing my good friend is his bass player. Like he wanted me to know.

Going to clear my head for a bit.

I'm drunk.

And I miss you.

Not fair.

I wish we could be friends. Bubut we can't. and i thank you for ignoring me. as much as it hurts. as much as i wantt to kick and scream.

thank you.

but i do miss you.

Secrets hidden.

Why are you always undone?
You lurk in the darkest corners
Awaiting some heavenly ascension
You know you won't find any liquor
Or that stuff your friend does
But c'mon, we've all had our stumbles
And some nights it almost feels like love
It feels like love
Now, now, now
It feels like love

How is that I am in love with a guy named Erik. I'm crushing on another Eric. And I've always admired another Eric since I was little.

Song writing.

Dialogue with adam after informing him about my crush on the copy machine...

Adam: Wow. You know what? You just tapped into an amazing song concept. For you. I really think you should write a song based around that concept.

Me: I'm on it!

Adam: use it as a metaphor for how no guy is what you want...and how this copy machine is more appealing to you at times

Me: haha sounds like a z100 song

Adam: there ya go

Me: i dont want the boys named andy or bobby or dean. i just want the copy, the copy maaachiiiine.

Adam: hahaha

Proof of my Oddness

I love my job's copy machine.

It is so cute.

It makes little noises when it spits out paper as though it's so happy to have assisted you on your copying assignment.

And then, to allign all the pages together, it jiggles a little, making the paper fall into place.

How freaking cute.

I giggle to myself as I wait for the job to be done.

Thatta, boy.

I wanna attach a fury tail and ears on it. Aw.

I wish you nothing but the worst. Nothing more. Nothing less.

It's raining. I miss him. A lot. I hate everyone in this fucking town. Their eyes and their grimaces. On my back. Little spies. Judging.

Hate this stupid town. And the towns surrounding it. And the people infesting it.

If I hadn't worked so hard to get to where I am, I'd drop it all for him. Go on tour with him. Swallow anger as every stupid girl hangs their hungry arms around his neck. They make me sick. He's such a beautiful person that it's haunting. How could they/whomever create such a perfect individual is mind boggling. But it's life. I get thrown this perfect bait and I'm hooked. Man, that was corny.

I don't want to screw this up. I don't. But I'm scared as hell. He could destroy me. Worse than Chris did. Much worse.

I enjoy being on my own too much right now and I want to keep it that way. I don't want to depend on someone and trust that someone will be there for me. We all saw what happened last time I did that.

Fuck people.

Seriously fuck you.

I am much better than this. You dont touch the stove twice after you've been burnt. I was an idiot. It won't happen again.

When I can trust that Erik will stay. When he's done touring. When he's done with all the promotions. The recording. The interviews. The fame. I'll be there in the end and I'll be ready. Until then, I'll think of him endlessly.