At 1:16 pm I wrote...
It's starting. Choking feeling. Loss of breath. I wish I could sit and talk to you. I'm going to cry soon. Back to being overdramatic and changing moods faster than a rocket. I don't want to know about your life. I won't ever be in it again because I ruined it. I need to calm down. I want to get along with you. Negative thinking spinning in my head. Maybe this isn't a good idea. It...fuck. Just stop thinking.
I got better. Felt good and calm.
Present time...
Everyone's asking for me...everyone except you. These people make me sick because I know what they really want from me. "Please make it out tonight, I'd love to see you." I picture a creepy dude, cigarette in mouth and sly grin. You make me want to hurl.
I just got a mug at work from people who work here. I feel so special. It's so pretty sitting next to my computer. Oh, and a water bottle with the company's logo. And a bag. I am such a nerd....I pulled the same stunt of excitement when I got a MMC logo pen, btw. These are the little things that make me smile.
But I need to think about something else. Not him. Not Meghan. Not the past. I want it all back too badly. I'm going to go scan this stuff and have a cigarette.
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